So I know that it has been an extremely long time since the last time that I posted something to this here blog, but it has been a rather interesting couple of weeks here in Colombia and I have not really had the opportunity / felt the motivation to write a whole lot, but I have actually been struggling to figure out exactly what I am doing here. What follows are two unrevised posts, which should really be condensed into one thing, but I have honestly been to caught up in other things to care enough to polish them. You'd be surprised to know about all the shit that happens here in this country. But anyways, I am kind of drunk at them moment so I really don't care how unfinished all of this is at the moment. There are some notes about what I want to say attached to the posts, and I am totally aware that they come off as extremely harsh in some places, but it is not an easy task to remove personal sentiment from the the things that I have been experiencing. Anyways, sorry if you don't like it, but it is what it is. You chose to read this, no one made you. So here goes.
Yeah, some of this sounds like some revolutionary, anarchist, fight the power bullshit, but maybe that is what I am to get at. Again, to be honest I don't really know what I'm trying to say, but here it is.
#1
If you read only one thing from this blog I ask that this be
it
Now, I take a lot of pride in my
ability to stay zen and not overreact to situations, but these kids are
definitely testing my limits. Apparently
the semi-authoritative genes, which are pretty strong in the Peterfreund
family, have in fact trickled down into yours truly. But man, sometimes I just want to strangle
some of these kids. I’ve said it before
that these aren’t bad kids by any means as far as I can tell, as in they are
not bad people who are destined to live evil lives or whatever. However, probably 30-40% of the students in
any given class are intentionally disruptive and doing everything they can to
get a reaction out of the other students or the teachers. They just don’t have any respect for school
or anything associated with formal education.
They are just not learning anything and man it really, really, really,
really sucks. To be honest at this
juncture in time I really dread going to the vast majority of my classes. Frankly the kids suck. In class that is. And I get that I should be the shining
knight who is the perfect role model to get these kids to change their ways,
that I should be above all of their nonsense and be able to keep the big
picture in mind, but then again maybe I shouldn’t. I am assuming that I am in the right in all
of this after all.
Once again,
I am here as a volunteer to assist in English classes and to be a cultural
liaison to these kids. My job is to be
interesting and inspiring and a person who will get these kids to want to learn
English. The second part is more my
interpretation of the situation at least.
Now, Pueblo Rico is small, real small.
Like 11,000 people, but it feels even smaller. Everybody is unbelievably kind and welcoming,
but I have noticed that a definite subset of the population looks at me with
some distain as I walk by. The subset
being older men who are covered in the blood sweat and tears from decades of
long days starting before the sun rises.
And can you blame them? My
pompous rant from last week was hyperbole and I was only talking about
basketball, but in a lot of ways I am not wrong. I do represent a change and a drastic one at
that here in Pueblo Rico. I am the
literal embodiment of the evolution that the powers that be are trying to bring
about. If nothing I am a symbol of the
fact that the town is not just moving, but sprinting away from its farming and
blue collar roots towards something that is quite frankly alien in nature. So again I ask how can you blame them? My presence here says to these men, “thanks
for all you’ve done up to now, but we like this new thing better and we’re
going to run with it.”
So now I
question what I’m doing here.
Globalization and capitalism are the names of the game in the modern
first world and the countries that don’t have the resources to play ball are obviously
having a lot of trouble economically speaking.
In every Central and South American country that I visited successes is
measured in the number of people who live lives which are pretty recognizably
American. Here in Colombia I And here I
am, a pawn in the game, trying to inspire this small group of people and get
them up to speed so they can play ball in the modern world. If I can inspire kids to learn English and go
to college I will be making Colombia stronger.
If I inspire kids to learn English and they decide to stay I will have
opened up Pueblo Rico to tourists thus will have made it economically
stronger. That is what I am, a finger of
globalization getting that much stronger of a grasp on this town. What I need to decide is whether or not that
is something I stand behind. Am I a
first world missionary? Am I any
different than that Jahova’s Witness who keeps knocking at you door? What scares me is that I don’t truly know
exactly what cause and agent I am truly promoting here in Pueblo Rico by
representing this change. I do not know
what I am preaching. I do not know what
cause I am flaunting in these kid’s faces.
And I am sorry if this is a little too religious for you all, but I feel
as though I may be the false prophet.
But then again that’s a matter of interpretation. A matter of what line you are looking at and
what side of that line you are standing on.
Maybe it’s
a good thing that these kids don’t care.
Maybe it’s a good thing they are saying blindly saying fuck you instead
of blindly following what I tell them. Maybe
it’s the mechanism that is going to keep their culture and way of life alive
and maybe it’s a front to the rampant global homogenization of people we see
today. I’m part of what they’re resisting. I’ve been groomed into it since the day I was
born. Maybe it’s a good thing that
they’re not just like me. Or maybe they
need to be more like me and they are truly backward in a sense. All I know is that there are 7 billion people
on this planet and the vast majority of us cannot be sustained as the world is
right now.
Hold the Green future ideal in mind at all costs. Sometimes you have to cut out the bad in
order to get what you want. You have to
be so committed to the cause that the shit you do to other people has to be
justified. Is the sacrifice worth
it. I am a member of the lost
generation, without a cause, purpose or movement.
It is my belief that it is what we do that defines us, so
the question I ask you all is do you really know what you are doing? Do really understand what your actions
represent and do they fall in line with what you believe. I guess I just ask that you don’t blindly go
about your existence, because whether you realize it or not you actions are impactful
in ways you could not hope to imagination.
Sorry to be so preachy.
Can you look at your own life and say with absolute
certainty that, “this is what a human existence is supposed to be.”
Jhon’s story
What is our great movement?
Unfortuntaely it is nothing new.
I don’t think it is the creation of the next best thing. Well maybe it is, hopefully I am wrong. With any luck the next big thing is green
technology that doesn’t fuck the planet, but I hope to god it comes with an
intellectual movement that brings about the knowledge that there is a
difference between what one can do and what one should do. Lets call it the responsibility movement for
now. But also the next thing that happens
needs to be a restructuring of the old.
We need to look at all the things that have been done and accomplished
and reorganize them so that they work synergistically with all of the other
things in existence instead of working independently from one another. Lets call it cleaning up creation. Because often things are more than just the
sum of their parts. So that’s three
things that need to happen in the future.
Green technology, the responsibility movement, and cleaning up creation.
#2
It has been
over a month since I last posted and for that I apologize, but to be honest
writing can sometimes manifest itself as a chore due to the time and effort
required into making something worth reading.
But here I am, once again, to tell you about what is going on in the
little niche that I have dug out for myself in Colombia.
The first
thing that I have to say is thank your teachers. And I don’t just mean in school, I mean your
parents, your neighbors, your friends.
Anyone who has ever given you some piece of knowledge that you have gone
on to use in some capacity, just thank them.
No matter the love, hate, or indifference that you feel towards these
people you owe them more than you know.
The simple fact that you can read this, that you can talk, that you can
tie you damn shoes, means that they didn’t ever truly lose faith in you.
For the first time in my life I
have been placed in a school setting where I find myself on the other side of
this learning/teaching line and after just over two months with this point of
view a lot of things have been put into perspective. Many of you are teachers in some capacity,
but for those of you who are not you should know that kids suck. Truly, they are the worst. All in all they are rude, dense, and
generally shitty and more often than I would like to admit I fantasize about
things like how many 6th graders I could take in a fight. More often that I would like to admit I want
nothing more than to pick up the resident asshole and see how far I can throw
him, to break him open and see if he truly is made of shit. In times like this I find myself thinking how
ungrateful these kids are and that they aren’t worth my time. That they aren’t smart or well behaved enough
to be waited on by me. That they don’t
deserve me. That they don’t deserve the
opportunity that I represent to them.
And frankly as a group they don’t, but what I now realize is that they
don’t need me. I wish this was some sort
of triumphant expose about how even though it is difficult and trying that I
refuse to give up on these children and that I will continue to fight for them,
but it is not. I honestly find myself
caring less and less about them as a whole.
The passion and excitement of the honeymoon period has long past. But you all should be tearfully grateful that
your teachers decided to love you instead of giving up on you.
This comes across as depressing and
disheartened, but as far as I see it it’s the truth of my situation here. Don’t mistake what I am saying as having
spiraled into a depressive free-fall concerning the kids here, that is actually
quite far from the truth. The thing is
that these kids are the children of farmers, and truck drivers, and mechanics
and they have absolutely no reason to care about learning English because quite
frankly their future wears a blue collard shirt too. In my opinion, as well as theirs, it is a
waste of time for the majority them to be in that class. Many of you are thinking, “the reason you are
there is to inspire them to learn English so that they can go to college so
that they can get a good job and make something of themselves.” But that is wrong. Just dead fucking wrong and it makes me
pretty angry that we project this point of view onto these people. As I see it that is the first world
interpretation of a contemporary, enlightened life, but who ever said that was
in their best interest. The inspired
life that I am directing them towards looks a lot like the life that I have
lived, that so many of us have lived, and more than ever I am convinced that it
is not the right decision. I mean look
at our society as a whole, truly look at it.
We are petty, cutthroat, egotistical consumers who find contentment in
only the latest fads and thoughtless entertainment. Look what our modern world has done to the
environment and look at the trajectory our society is taking. You probably disagree, but look at the things
you own and do, look at the things you desire and covet and tell me I am
wrong. And I do not say this as a person
exempt from these things, I am every bit as deep into the mix as you are, but
at least I am willing to look in the mirror and acknowledge what I am looking
at. Now how can I in good faith enforce
this cultural imperialism on these kids.
I may be the goddamn false prophet as far as I can tell.
This entry is starting to ramble on
and for that I apologize, but the best I can do is give an example of what I am
talking about. Here in Pueblo Rico I met
this guy named Jhon and he did everthing that these kids are hypothetically
supposed to be doing. He studied his ass
off in high school and became nearly fluent in English. He went on to graduate and went to college
and became a certified aircraft technicial, which is pretty awesome by my
standards. This would be the dream that
we have already discussed, but here is the catch. There are no jobs for aircraft technicians in
Colombia. In total there are three major
airports here in Colombia and all of them already have all the hands they
need. So not only did Jhon not have a
job, but he also has debt to pay off from all of the schooling that he needed
to get his certification (sounds familiar doesn’t it). Now what many people would say is that
Colombia just needs to invest in more infrastructure to make more jobs for the
people who have gone to school.
I am not saying that education is a
bad thing or that it is not worth the time and effort, but right now, in the
context of the world as it is, it is just not true. Educating everybody in the world is
absolutely vital to the survival of our society as a whole, but as of right now
the higher education received by the lucky few is unbelievably misguided. Instead of our economists going to wall
street to get rich we need them to find ways to fund our future. We need our politicians to create and
dissolve legislation that best allows healthy social and economic growth
instead of using contemporary issues as ammunition to argue extreme
fundamentalist ideals. We need our
engineers to design green technologies instead of NASCAR engines. What I am saying in the context of these kids
here in Pueblo Rico is that yes, someday we will need them to get an education
and become members of the educated class, but right now more members of the first
world society as it stands would be nothing but poisonous.
